Me when a bug touches me: This is a gated community, please get the fuck off the property
You would think that teenagers would be the rudest customers when really it’s mostly old, middle-aged people.
The elderly are either adorable or the wrinkly reincarnation of Satan there is no in between
"text me when you get home" means "i love you, be safe."
It really does
May you have enough money to pay your bills this month with a little extra left over for a bit of fun.
This is one of the nicest things to wish for someone
so when i was 8 i was in an episode of iCarly and even though i’m 16 now and i have a pixie cut my friends still tell everyone that i was in iCarly.
i pushed another child off a bench and stole her sandwich this is my legacy
I envy literally everyone who is talented at anything